Monday, March 18, 2024

Knock-Knock. Who’s there? Leo Tolstoy. Leo Tolstoy, who? Nanna Karenina, your business.



Many aspects of book promotion smell like turpentine to me. Whenever I post on Facebook or Instagram and say, “Look at me!” I hate it. The fact that few people actually look makes it even worse. Thank goodness for everyone’s favorite behemoth called Amazon, where my book can look bright and shiny, and my job is like the mechanisms of a clock, hidden underneath but wound and moving. I can let the clock wind down and stop or put a few dollars and mental calculations into keywords for advertising. What would I do if Amazon only meant a river and a rainforest? I was surprised to read about how Mark Twain sold his books last month.

Back then, all of Mark Twain’s major books were issued by subscription and sold by salesmen door-to-door rather than as trade publications in bookstores. As an Indie author or any author, it can be hard to discover your masterpiece in a brick-and-mortar store. What would I do if I had to sell my novel door to door?

Knock, knock.

I wait several minutes, listening to feet scampering behind the bright blue door before me. Over the hedges of the house, an angry face peeks through the window pane, then vanishes. I hear garbled swearing, and then the front door opens.

Who’s there?

My stomach flip-flops, and my spine straightens. I try to imagine I’m Leonidas from the movie 300, except wearing a leather skirt and boob armor. I raise my book. “Would you like to buy my paranormal sci-fi book, The Levitation Game? It’s an entertaining book filled with romance, magic and adventure.”

“Does it come with Girl Scout cookies?”

“No, but I can sign it and throw in a bookmark.”

“Will you mow my lawn if I buy it?”

My hand falls to my side, and I turn away. “Thanks anyway,” I mumble to my feet, wondering if I should take the shortcut to the next house, like the mailman, or walk to the sidewalk.

Knock, knock.

I have big news this month. I’m a finalist in the 2023 Indies Book of the Year awards! Yay! Hooray! 

Discover Sharon Wagner Books!

 

Tuesday, March 12, 2024

Scared To Death


My novel The Levitation Game is a finalist in the 2023 Indies Book of the Year Awards! This literary news will nourish me for months.

I wish it were Halloween because I’m announcing Scared To Death, a Goosebumps-style anthology that includes my short story, Default 666. I’m proud to death of my short story and hope it will delight and disgust readers equally. :)

Vampires! Ghosts! Zombies! RUN FOR YOUR LIFE!! Within the pages of this anthology lurk stories guaranteed to make the hair on the back of your neck stand up! From a cursed game that turns its players into monsters … a ghost cat on a quest for revenge … and killer snowmen on a rampage, these ten terrifying tales will have you sleeping with the lights on! Read these stories, if you dare! This book includes stories from the following contributors: R. Jeanie Burroughs ● Dawn Colclasure ● Marcus Damanda ●William F. Gray ● Michelle John ● Cyan LeBlanc ● Eric McMillion ●Caitlyn Pace ● Sharon Wagner ● Brandon Wills

Discover Scared To Death on Amazon!

Visit Sharon Wagner Books!

Monday, February 19, 2024

"The cow is of the bovine ilk: One end is moo, the other, milk." Ogden Nash

 



“No matter how much cats fight, there always seem to be plenty of kittens.” Abraham Lincoln

“The household cat is really a tiger that has underwent three counselling programs.” Valeriu Butulescu

A movie actress described her method for acting once. When a script arrives, she picks an animal with traits like her protagonist and imagines she’s that animal later in front of the camera. If someone made a movie of your life, what animal would you be?

I’ve often thought I'd be a crow if I were a bird because I wouldn’t want to be tasty like a chicken. I’m not a night person, so being an owl would be exhausting. Small birds are attractive to a raptor’s claws. Parrots have big brains, but their beauty makes them vulnerable to human kidnappers. So, I’d be a crow. A crow even stared in one of my favorite books, Hollow Kingdom.

But what animal would I be? I love the ocean, but I’m not social like a dolphin. And I wouldn’t want to be anything too small for fear I’d be eaten by predators. Tasty animals like cows are out of the question. Plus, since I have misophonia, I wouldn’t want all the other cows aggressively chewing cud near my big dumb head. Violent animals like tigers don’t resemble me, and I wouldn’t like to consume silty mangrove scraps like a manatee. I’d love to be smart like an octopus, but they prefer frighteningly cold water. My favorite animal is a cat, but I fear I’d be the feline that scratches guests and then runs into the basement to hide behind the dusty shoeboxes and other wares. I think I’d be an elephant now that I don’t have to worry about being abducted by the circus. They are big and not a typical food source for meat-eaters. They’ve been coached into painting canvas by weird humans, and I’m an artist. I could theoretically tap a typewriter with my long, flexible snout, so perhaps I could still be an author!

I have fun book news to report this month. The Levitation Game is en route to the Bologna Book Fair! My short story, Default 666, will be part of an anthology at PsychoToxin Press. I’ll keep you posted. And don’t forget to scroll before you roll. My guest post, On Travel Blogging, is published at Creator’s Roulette. See below. Look to your inbox on March 18 for my next newsletter!

“Always remember, a cat looks down on man, a dog looks up to man, but a pig will look man right in the eye and see his equal.” Sir Winston Churchill


Discover Sharon Wagner Books!





Monday, January 22, 2024

Five debut novels are perfect; five hundred thousand books fail inspection.

 


What if books were inspected for literary cleanliness and quality like restaurants? Perhaps all the hoopla about book banning has gone to my head. Or maybe I’m just feeling silly. For a complete list of book inspections, including violations not requiring warnings of missing pages or other administrative action, visit Goodreads. Here’s the breakdown for recent book inspections in Collier County, Florida, for January 1-6. Please note that some recent sequel inspections may not be included here.

So, how did my book score?

The Levitation Game

Follow-up inspection required: Violations require further review but are not an immediate threat to the public. Five total violations, with one high-priority violation

High-priority violation: The novel contains third-person and first-person narratives, confusing some readers. It also has multiple protagonists. See the debut author handbook indicating first-time authors should never write more than one voice. Period. (Yes, I know the word period is a sentence fragment; I’m simply inserting levity and being literal)

Basic violation: a violation against best practices occurred when the author signed with an indie press, ignoring the preferred choice of an agent or big-wig traditional publisher. The fact that the author didn’t have a choice is irrelevant.

Warning: The author must complete her next novel 365 days from the last inspection.

Administrative complaint: Legal action may be required if the author writes another sci-fi novel, as some readers think the author should stick to painting or eschewing words altogether.

Emergency Order: A 24-hour call-back inspection will be performed after an emergency closure of the book because of suspension of belief.

If you see any abuses of Amazon’s standards, report them to Jeff Bezos and the library immediately. Or call 1-800-911-joke.

The end. :)

Check out my latest author interview here! It's over at The Indie View. 

Visit my author website to subscribe to my out-of-this-world newsletter at Sharon Wagner Books


Monday, December 18, 2023

Yes, Virginia, there is an elf in Florida!



A young girl named Sparrow crept through the quack grass until she reached the tallest tree in her yard, a Norfolk pine with emerald limbs attached to the tree like perfectly combed mustaches. Sparrow stopped by the tree trunk and knocked, placing a box in front of a tiny birch bark door. She stuck out her tongue, fiddling with the shiny red bow taped to the top. “Perfect. This gift is for you, Mr. Elf,” she stated with conviction, rising to her feet and rubbing her snotty nose.

Sparrow rubbed both hands across her stomach and danced a little jig, turning and shuffling back towards her house.

Inside the tree, an elf the size of a stick of butter leaned a pointy ear against the small door, opening it to peer outside. The elf watched the human girl’s pigtails wiggle as she walked most peculiarly, like a penguin. But there were no penguins in Florida and not many elves.

The elf opened the gift as soon as the girl slipped into her house, finding two walnuts the same size as his hands. Martin the elf removed his green cap and scratched his head. His mission was to give gifts, not receive them, and he wasn’t the kind of elf to change his life’s purpose now. Martin looked up into the branches of the towering Norfolk, grabbed the walnuts, and touched his nose. Poof! He was gone.

Now, Martin was twenty feet high, sitting on a branch. “Excuse me, Ms. Bark Beetle, I’m your neighbor, Martin. Would you like my walnuts?”

“Oh, no. Yuck,” said the beetle.

Martin frowned, then raised his eyebrows, waving at a Mockingbird. Unfortunately, the bird flew away. This time, Martin touched his green boot, finding himself at the top of the tree, surveying the lush mangroves littering the bay and the majestic royal palms scattered below. Martin wasn’t alone; a serious-looking osprey was clinging to the precipice of the Norfolk. Martin held out his hand. “Hello, I’m Martin the elf. Would you like these walnuts, you know, for a Christmas gift?”

“No,” said the osprey. The bird glowered at Martin, adding, “I only eat fish.”

Martin furrowed his brows and touched his right ear lobe's soft, spongy part. Pop! Martin found himself halfway down the tree, clinging to the bark. “Sir. Mr. Pine Weevil, would you like these nuts?” asked Martin.

“Don’t be silly. The nuts wouldn’t fit inside my tiny mouth,” replied the bug.

Martin kicked at a pine needle, searching the branch for other critters. He pulled up his shirt and touched his belly button, vanishing again. Now, Martin was out on a limb, staring into the beady eyes of a fluffy gray squirrel. Martin smiled, holding out his sweaty hand. The squirrel inched closer, ruffling needles in his wake. “Are those for me? Oh, thank you so much,” said the squirrel with a whisker twitch.

Martin puffed his chest. “Merry Christmas!” 

The End

I launched Amazon ads last month. Wish me luck! Plus, the Southwest Connector newspaper featured me and my book. The Florida Writer magazine also announced my book news. :)

I hope you'll consider giving my book to your loved ones this Christmas. The greatest gift you could give me is your rating or review. Look to your inbox for my next newsletter on January 22, 2024!

Visit Sharon Wagner Books to subscribe!

Wednesday, December 6, 2023

Read My Guest Post with Author Dawn Colclasure

 



How a Halloween Decoration Inspired a Haunted House Story


By Dawn Colclasure


Ever since we moved into the house we have now spent 13 years living in, I have made good

use of our hallway. It was our first hallway, so it had many different uses:

 * It was a place where my kids could hang out on a long fluffy area rug

 It was a source of fun since my kids often slid through it in sock-covered feet on the

hardwood floor or ride their scooters (!) and skateboard (!!)

  *It was a showcase for family photos

 * It was a place I could put a couple of bookcases

 * It was a “hallway of horrors” every Halloween

That last one was my favorite, because even though our “hallway of horrors” was not open for

public viewing and the decorations were fake, I loved walking through our spooky hallway,

imagining that the monsters were real.

This had a lasting effect on me. So much so that I started to wonder: What if such a hallway

really existed? That could make an interesting story!

At the time I started thinking of using our “hallway of horrors” for a story, I was busy putting

together a collection of YA horror stories for a book titled The Worst Thing You Ever Did. 

And since the stories in this book featured male teen characters, I decided that the characters in

my “hallway of horrors” story would be male teens.

But how was I going to do this? I had the hallway and I had the horrors. But how would it all

become a story?

I decided to write each scene of the story using one decoration at a time, starting the story with

an “introduction” scene about how my character even ends up in that hallway, then moving on

with each decoration as I moved through the hallway. I took pictures of each decoration that I

passed in our spooky hallway and came up with ideas for each one as I wrote the story.

It took several weeks for me to write that story, which actually turned out to be a good thing.

Later that month, I came across a fake dagger that was being sold at a department store for

Halloween, and I loved it so much, I decided to use it in one scene of the story. Even after I

finished writing the story, I kept that fake dagger, just because it reminded me of the story!

Alas, however, the hallway of horrors did not last for very long, as our hallway once again was

changed and there was no longer any room for all of the decorations that I normally used for it.


Still, I wasn’t too upset about this, because now our “hallway of horrors” would live forever in

the story I wrote.

A story that is now in a book of stories that is now being published. After several rounds of

rejection, my collection of YA horror stories, The Worst Thing You Ever Did, was accepted by

PsychoToxin Press, and the book’s release date is December 12 th.

I am beyond thrilled that my book of stories finally found a home, and even more pleased that 

I was able to feature our “hallway of horrors” in a story. It just goes to show that the next time

something tickles your muse and you think it can be turned into a story, pay attention to that

feeling. Write notes, take pictures, and work your way through that story idea one step at a time.


BIO: Dawn Colclasure is a writer in Oregon. She is a freelance writer, book reviewer and

columnist. She is the author and co-author of over four dozen books, among them her horror

novel, Shadow of Samhain. Her forthcoming titles from PsychoToxin Press include the YA

horror story collection, The Worst Thing You Ever Did, and the psychological horror novella, 

All the Beautiful Things. Her work has appeared in magazines, websites and anthologies. She’s on Twitter

@dawnwilson325 and @dawncolclasure.


Visit Dawn's Books and DMC Writer for the rest of the story!





Monday, November 20, 2023

Bodice Rippers and Space Trippers

 


“As mothers and daughters, we are connected with one another. My mother is the bones of my spine, keeping me straight and true. She is my blood, making sure it runs rich and strong. She is the beating of my heart. I cannot now imagine a life without her.” ―Kristin Hannah, Summer Island.


After publishing my novel, some friends and family remarked on how proud my parents would be of my literary achievement. Would they be proud? If they were alive, would my parents even read my book? It’s a paranormal sci-fi after all. Sorry, Dad, but you were the one who thought one of my paintings was a placemat. Maybe now, my dad would finally feel redeemed that he paid my college tuition in graphic design, and then I became a flight attendant.

My mother didn’t read sci-fi. She read romance and left those books scattered around the house. That’s why all of my novels have a suspicion of romantic titillation. I grew up reading Kathleen E Woodiwiss instead of typical middle-grade or young-adult books because they were ready and available. I subsisted on Danielle Steele and my favorite author of the time, LaVyrle Spencer. But when I read the magical realism and supernatural novel Like Water for Chocolate by Mexican author Laura Esquivel, my literary world changed forever. Yes, there was still a doomed romance, but the world the author created was magical, beautiful, and surreal. The food the protagonist poured her heart and soul into creating came alive in my mind. I could smell the rose petals and taste the chocolate and freshly ground spices in her mole sauce. The protagonist was so sad; she knitted a quilt that was as long as a crescent-shaped beach, and it dragged behind the wagon that took her away from her beloved. I’ll never forget that imagery.

If my mother was alive, would she read and enjoy my book? I don’t know. It’s my mother’s birthday today. Mom, if you were here, you’d receive a book for your birthday, whether you wanted one or not!

Don U. won a free Conspiracy Theory board game set by sharing my book on social media. Thanks Don! You can win, too. :) Plus, this is what I heard from a librarian named Karen: Is your library likely to purchase this title? Yes
Will you recommend this title through Readers’ Advisory, book clubs, events, etc? Yes

I say: "Yes!!!"

Happy Thanksgiving!



Sharon

Sharon Wagner Books